2nd Innings

I was trying to be a rational individual.To be more precise, a machine....why not? They are inerrent...infallible..and more importantly they are never depressed...efficiency 100%...PERFECT. Did I say "depressed"??Ya...I was habituated with this. for over almost 240 nights..Havn't I ever felt happy in this period? Ya, I did...but it was as evanascent as it could get.It started taking its toll on me.I was feeling like the captain of sinking ship(a cliche...nevamind).I was wearing away.I felt irritated .Rather,loved to hate myself.This had to come to a fullstop at some point ,but it was like running in a circle.A line from my favourite trilogy kept haunting me....

"Why, why, why? Why do you do it? Why, why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom, or truth, perhaps peace or could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify it's existence that is without any meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now. You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you persist? "

I admit that it was not fully relevant contextually , but at some points I could identify myself being asked the same by my conscience.I really didn't have any answer..Was I reacting too much? No, said my heart.That was perfectly normal.I had lost something very precious - TRUST ,they call it.Of course ego didn't help.In the initial stages I said to myself "No damn given",but later I couldn't survive the deluge of emotions.You can only feel saddened if you are emotionally attatched to something.So,I detatched myself mentally from one of people who matters.Am I emotionally weak? This question used to stump me.I started to learn how to live with it.Existance devoid of a friendship I cared a lot about once upon a time.Sometimes in this "rational " existance , I used to find solace in my old memories - remembering the good old days,reading the old conversations that we had in Yahoo Messenger and GTalk. That I felt was the remnants of a beautiful relationship we used to share.I started missing the long chats we used to have .Those innane SMS es .Everything.Can the loss of a good friend be so painful? ??

Then there was this wake up call.The ultimate fear of parting with a once good friend forever helped me getover my egos.But could the person forgive me?? Well, I had to leave some part of it to lady luck and destiny. Thankfully,the connection we shared was too strong to sever.Will it be a new beginning??At least we have convinced that to each other.Our 2nd innings of friendship .I was feeling amazed as how some earlier subtle promises we made to each other has survived the test of time.I have learned my lesson.In the end its trust, that matters in relationship of any form.